Exhaustion is NOT a Status Symbol (so stop acting like it)

Hi, it's me! Yeah, I know, it's been a while and that hasn't entirely been by choice. As some of you know or could imagine, work gets super busy around the holidays and that leaves all of us with very little time for ourselves. It was full speed ahead for most of November and December and let me tell you, I was exhausted! I didn't have much time for any self-care or to work on my personal development courses so in turn, I also didn't have time to work on this blog or even come up with my next topic. I still didn't know what I wanted to talk about until I thought about why I haven't been able to update this in the first place. Burnout. Overworking. Fatigue. Exhaustion. 

Not too long ago I read a book that really resonated with me called "The Gifts of Imperfection" by Brené Brown. I fully plan on writing a whole post dedicated to some of the amazing things that stood out to me, but she did touch on one thing that really hits home with what I've experienced the past few months. The whole premise of one of the chapters is literally "Letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol and productivity as self-worth." She touches on how, so often, people feel like if they aren't pushing themselves to work that extra hour at work or if they have too much downtime and aren't filling that extra time with all kinds of activities or responsibilities, they feel like a failure. But to who? The answer is to society. Last time I checked, my own personal well-being and happiness is more important than whatever society thinks of me. They don't have to live with me, I do. 

So how does that tie into the past few months? Well, work has been tough. There were layoffs in our department so all the work is falling on a much smaller group of us. In turn, we've all had to work longer and more frequently and as you can imagine, that can take a toll over time. Don't get me wrong, we're all thankful to still have our jobs after the way everything has gone last year. But we're also allowed to feel exhausted and frustrated too, and we do. The problem is that some people don't understand that being exhausted isn't a cool or trendy thing. Far too many people in this world wear it like a badge of honor for achievement when in reality, it's affecting our well-being and personal lives much more than it should be. Being exhausted means not having time for your family, or kids, or yourself, or relaxation, or your health, or anything else important. What's so honorable about that? Nothing! The answer is nothing. 

Sure, I understand that sometimes we don't have a choice in how much we work or if it makes us exhausted. If you know what I do for a living, that makes even more sense. The nature of my job automatically puts me more at risk for exhaustion and considering the way the workload has shifted recently, it actually was inevitable. The thing is, there's still a fix for that problem too, but far too often people are too scared to use that option. I have preached for the past few years that sometimes we need to take care of ourselves and just call in! Workplaces have made it feel like you're only allowed to call in if you're so sick that you can't get out of bed. I'll let you in on a little secret: you can call in if you just want to sleep, or if you need a mental health day, or if you feel like watching TV all day instead, or for whatever reason you want. Once in a while, I believe it's healthy to take an extra day for yourself. Sadly, too many people have been conditioned to feel guilty and worry more about what the company that they work for thinks about them than what they're doing to take care of themselves. 

If there's anything I've learned from actually being in the thick of things during a massive layoff, it's that at the end of the day, a lot of companies only see you as a number and don't think of you as an individual. Of course this isn't true of all companies and I think we all understand that they are businesses that are trying to make a profit at the end of the day. But generally speaking, the thoughts and concerns are more focused on money rather than people. This doesn't mean that local management, directors, co-workers, etc. don't care about you as an individual. On the contrary, I think because they know their people, they would potentially make different decisions if they had the power. But they don't. And all of this is the exact reason why I've learned to take days for myself when I feel like I need to. 

When you think back, especially if you're not with a specific company anymore, do you regret not taking that extra sick day? Do you regret not calling in when you wanted to spend just a little more time with a family member, or friend, or even alone? Did not prioritizing yourself make any kind of difference at your job in the long run? Sure didn't. So why the hell do we feel so guilty? We really shouldn't. Prioritize yourself. Rest. Relax. Practice self-care. Remember that wherever you work will figure it out. They'll do what they have to in your absence. It's not your job to worry about it. Worry about you. Stop thinking that exhaustion is an acceptable badge of honor or that it'll prove you really care about your job. Stop running yourself into the ground for a place that doesn't give you a second thought when it really comes down to it.

Now, don't misunderstand me. I also get that most of us need our jobs to earn a living and to be able to afford the things we want and need. I'm not saying to throw your middle fingers in the air and stop caring altogether. We also all need to be responsible and understand what we need to do to be able to live. But somewhere in there is a balance. We owe it to ourselves to find that balance. We deserve a little bit of time for ourselves. We deserve to relax and not be productive 24/7. In the long run, no one tends to remember you for how much you busted your ass and worked crazy overtime, so stop prioritizing that over yourself. Stop feeling guilty! Do what you need to do for yourself once in a while. It'll feel good and you can thank me later for that!

As far as "productivity as self-worth" goes, for the love of God, please get comfortable with the idea of being still and not having to fill every waking moment of your life with an activity. It also took me a while to be comfortable with this concept, but it has been well worth it. I used to feel like I wasted days off if I didn't end up doing much of anything and just spent the day relaxing. Why is that? Who is making me feel like I have to be productive every chance that I get? I've realized that if I have things I need to get done, eventually I take care of them. So what if it takes me a week longer than I thought it would? I have to go at my own pace. No one is standing there waiting to give me a trophy, or money, or a round of applause for all my accomplishments or activities. 

Of course it's fun to plan things to do and naturally that is going to be a part of life. It should be. I don't want to spend every free moment in my house, sitting on my couch. I want to live life, I want to travel, I want to go have fun and that is so important. At the same time, there needs to be a balance between activities and down time. In my self-discovery last year, I made the realization that at one point in my life, I packed my schedule constantly. I always made sure there were plans or things to do. Over time, I felt burnout and I felt like I didn't have time to take care of things I needed to. I didn't have any boundaries to say no to anyone because I didn't want to upset my friends and stop being included. I wasn't getting enough sleep and I was proud of that because it meant I just keep going and going and going. What I think was happening subconsciously (there's that word again!) was that I was trying to show everyone around me that I was fun and cool and "could hang." I was trying to prove that I was worthy of friendships and relationships and attention by doing all of the things. At the end of it all, what did I even have to show for it? My self-worth was 100% rooted in everyone else and everything else I was doing. I had to get away from that.

If there's anything good that came out of 2020, I can say that it was having no choice but to slow down and realize all of these things about myself. Now I listen to my body and I'm more in touch with my mental health enough to know when I just need a day to myself. I have been able to practice boundaries with people in my life and find a healthy balance between having down time and making plans. I have learned to let go of the guilt that used to come with calling in or telling people "no." And I've realized that how I feel about myself is so much more important than what anybody else around me thinks. It might be a process that I'm still in the middle of, but I'm learning how to derive self-worth from myself and that has been so refreshing since, ya know, that's how it should be!

If you get nothing else out of this, at least remember this much: call in when you need to and say no to things when you need to. Take care of yourself. Stop worrying so much about what anyone else thinks about you. Worry about what you think about you. Be responsible, but be mindful of yourself. No one will remember those extra hours or days you worked or how that affected you physically and mentally. No one will put you on a pedestal for never being home to spend time in your fortress, that place you worked so hard to have. Instead, enjoy it. Enjoy yourself. Exhaustion is not a badge of honor and productivity is not a scale for self-worth, so stop acting like it!